1. Open Google
2. Type in "Depression after knee surgery"
Did you do it?
Were you as amazed as I was?
Are you wondering what could bring me back to blogging after 2 years (my last blog was June 2010)?
To answer your question, as you probably already guessed, I am currently recovering from knee surgery. The next question you probably have is "Are you depressed?" Well, I can tell you this, I am suffering from quite a bit of cabin fever. I have had 4 meltdowns already to which I cried for what seemed like no apparent reason. So I began to wonder if I was the only one that suffered from this. I found out that I wasn't. After reading many of the posts, the one thing I noticed that was consistent among all of the (many) blogs and articles I read was to find something to do; something that will keep you busy.
I am a teacher, a wife, and a mother. This means that I am always busy. I live my life by never ending To-Do lists. My lists...yes lists...because your work list is different from your home list and your home list is different from your personal list. I am never completely done. So what happens when 2 days after you arrive home from the hospital, you complete everything you had on your To-Do list? What happens when you can't add things to your list because you are physically unable to perform the tasks. Well, I am 2 weeks into 6 weeks of not bearing any weight on my right leg which means I am on crutches another 4 weeks. Have you ever tried to do laundry on crutches? It can't be done. I am required to do PT and use a CPM (continuous passive motion machine) 6 hours per day. Needless to say, this leaves a lot of time to watch some really bad TV. (I can't believe Maury is still doing DNA tests...Geez!!)
Here's the deal...I think of myself as a relatively smart person and logically I am aware that this is not the end of the world. I know that what I am going through is still 1,000 times better than what others go through on a daily basis. Yet, still it is hard to wrap my emotional self around this fact. I find that I continue to invite myself to the same pity party over and over again and then I have my meltdown. Oh, and my meltdowns are not pretty. They are pretty pathetic. REALLY PATHETIC, as a matter of fact. (ask my husband)
I find comfort in knowing, though, that I am not alone. That this is something that is real. I am not loony for feeling sad sometimes. It is normal to be sad about not being able to do for myself. It is hard not being able to leave my house because I can't drive. And finally, it IS sometimes painful that even the smallest task, things that I usually do without any real effort have become chores that either take everything in me to accomplish OR I realize that they are now things that I can't physically do on my own.
In staying true to the concept of this blog "Little Lessons", I can't call this entry complete without some lesson that I have learned. Today's lesson comes from someone's post on facebook this morning. Her post was "No matter what you are going through remember you did wake up this morning. Thank God!" (Thanks Novi)
'til next time,
Emily
Little Lesson: I woke up today...Thank God for that! (...and for blogs too)
